Moratorium of Self

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Some people pay a higher price for living authentically.

For the last couple of months now, I have been going through an identity crisis of sorts. Redefining what success looks like to me has been a huge part of it, as well as what I want to be doing in moving forward from here. All aspects of my life have come under scrutiny – my career, my relationship, my values and my goals; what I thought I wanted and what makes me happy isn’t quite lining up.

What makes your life…well…yours? Unequivocally, brilliantly yours?

What have you had to compromise in order to get there?

For me, it was barely a choice. The second that I took my life into my own hands instead of letting others lead me like a fucking showpony, most people opted out. Other people wanted to harm me. Yet I persisted because it gave me the joy and freedom that I had been searching for.

Now I look at the career plan that I have been working on for the majority of this year and I have reservations. What are my motivations? Security? Ego? Compassion? Yes it ticks all of the boxes, but it doesn’t excite me. But maybe I’ve grown so attached to my core identity that I am feeling challenged in evolving and expanding.

Maybe.

Or maybe I just feel like I’m slowly losing grip of the freedoms that I fought so hard for.

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One thought on “Moratorium of Self

  1. You have picked a very interesting and probably the most perplexing challenge, a person can face, self analysis (am I did the right thing with my life), and do I follow my heart or mind.

    It is, in my opinion, just one of the questions, that leave us wondering if we should have gone this way or that. The one thing I have learnt in my time of walking this plant, we can only make those decisions for our selves, no one can or should make them for us. There will unfortunately always be costs, for the decisions and directions we choose, including the lost of some we have held dear and those who would do us harm for not following the path they feel we should.

    I knowing a little of who are, I have watched you grow as you embrace self determination in your path in life and where it leads. Even though you still may feel some self doubt, you are on the right track, keep at it.

    The only piece of advise I would dare offer, as I believe you have it together, more than most of us, is. If in conflict between heart and mind, go with your gut.

    Like

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